When in the workplace its important to separate personal from professional, is what they say.
Currently, my boss is going through a divorce. And, this divorce has really opened up transparency in the workplace on a personal end.
When issues, or miscommunications arise at work,its usually spoken of in a manner that has the expectation that I should follow along in timely corresponding fashion. I often ask myself, is this a real expectation?
If theres an issue with my work, I can name several.
1. Punctuality
How can I fix this? Simple either show up to work on time, and admit that this is an issue, right? The problem with work issues are, you develop a reputation. Its easy to get a reputation at work, and suddenly people develop a tone. Speaking from experience, my coworkers have developed a tone with me. Its like nice, but directly a little more explicitly said than someone who is on the job full time. Which makes sense because I’m here half the time, but that doesn’t mean the integrity and seriousness of the message is less, it just has to be delivered in a more prompt time period.
2. Lack of attention to detail.
Hm, so this one is challenging for me to admit. My lack of attention to detail is like seeing a rubics cube, and caring nothing about getting to the goal of completing the square, but doing the best I can understanding the functionality of the rubics cube. Hows it work? Wheres it come from? That brings me to 3.
3. Utilizing and prioritizing your time.
Now, if I keep reviewing things, it seems like I’m the worst employee ever. But quite the contrary, I am utilizing and prioritizing my time the same way I utilize and prioritize my room when I’m cleaning it. Last week someone came to view my room, to rent out at the beginning of next month. In my mind, I have no choice. Hell yeah I’m cleaning it, because I have to get out of here. Its selfish. But I really care about moving on. Often, I have trouble utilizing and prioritizing my time correctly at work when its a task I dont care about. I spent 1 hour, sweeping, changing the water jug, filing, answering phones, doing laundry, dusting, restocking teas, having conversations with walk-ins, checking emails, and another percentage trying to figure out how I can stand out. So, I’m checking the files, reading the google drives, reviewing all the things I feel can help me get a little farther in this job, help me grow. Meanwhile, something wasn’t done correctly. Or, I didn’t write a direction down because I’m thinking ahead. Im thinking so far ahead. My ego is saying, your better than this. You’ve been at this receptionist shit for ever, where am I going with my life? So, it gets lost in the cracks, those little details, because I am a reflection of my mental state.
4. Responding to criticism.
Ever since i was a child, I’ve never been able to take criticism from authority. My mother was a single mother, every direction she gave was in a, “Don’t embarrass me” tone. So, shit. I’m not embarrassing her. When you criticize me, I hear, Don’t Embarrass Me. And, I can just like scream! How do I be different? Thats my issue, where should I change, how can I be different?!
5. Craving Attention.
This might be an only child thing, but fuck invest in me!! I’ve gotten invested, in a way thats like here are things you need to know, and what you dont know i’m gonna tell you without warning but with a deadline make no mistake (perhaps im projecting) tone that I can’t stand to hear. So, when something is an issue. I have a reputation now. Now, I get a repertory delivery of criticism. I’ll tell you what it comes with, TONE. It comes with tone, and it comes with a, “This is how we do it!” In my I can only be my 24 year old self brain I think, “Am I apart of the, this is how we do it? Am I apart of the we?”
6. Unpack your relationship.
So, my relationship with work is completely entangled in my personal and past childhood into adulthood growing pains. Right now, its uncomfortable. Because how do you voice this, “professionally?” I’m scared. Im afraid of the workplace because its a playing ground right now that has a lack of training to fulfill expectation, my lack of attention to specificities because of my sometimes cluttered mind that takes time to control, reconstructing the don’t embarrass me voice in my head, and learning how to be a leader amongst many other life lessons like being humble and mastering step 1.
These are the growing pains folks. The parts of you that you have actually never seen before. And,other people will form their opinions on what this looks like to them, and they will react in ways that will hurt you, and you must not let any one else’s reaction define you. My late grandfather on his birthday today, gave me advice while writing this. To be yourself is to not look outside of yourself, don’t look at anyone else but you. Its not selfish, its trust. You learn how to trust another after you trust you, you learn how to feel another after you feel you. Take some space, to look at nobody else. Focus on just you.
Thank you Grandad.
